


Butterflies

by Writers_clock



Series: Signed in Crimson: A Collection of Julethief One-Shots [8]
Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Lots of Angst, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29834742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writers_clock/pseuds/Writers_clock
Summary: Carmen’s tired smile never left her face, even as Julia’s brows knitted together, even as the love of her life stared at her with concern, but not recognition.“What happened to you?” Julia asked, her voice delicate. Delicate, but not familiar.You did.
Relationships: Julia "Jules" Argent/Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep
Series: Signed in Crimson: A Collection of Julethief One-Shots [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131176
Comments: 10
Kudos: 73





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> Julia has amnesia. That’s it that’s the fic.

It hadn’t been brainwashing.

Maybe if it had been, this would be easier.

Maybe if it had been, the guilt wouldn’t have weighed deep in Carmen’s gut, dragging her down. Maybe she wouldn’t be drowning in her own actions.

She should’ve been more careful, after Egypt. She should’ve  _ learned,  _ should have protected Julia.  _ Jules.  _

She should have protected  _ her  _ Jules.

_ Is it worse?  _ She wondered.  _ Is it worse to have felt what it was like to have been loved by her, and lost it? Or is it worse to never have known her love at all? _

Was it better to have lost or never known?

Carmen had known, briefly, what it was like to love and be loved in return. Far too briefly. The single moment in which a butterfly’s wings touch, and it starts to fall.

That one, brief touch, and suddenly Carmen’s guard dropped. And suddenly Carmen was reminded that she wouldn’t be happy -  _ couldn’t  _ be happy - until VILE was gone.

And suddenly the wings spread once more, fighting to keep afloat, and suddenly Carmen looked into the eyes of her beloved and saw nothing but  _ indifferent kindness. _

And suddenly Carmen ached.

It was a side effect, more than anything. A side effect of one of VILE’s devices, one that searched her mind for anything she’d know about Carmen. One that after it was down searching, completely erased Carmen from her thoughts.

As far as Julia knew, she had just joined Interpol. She got in some sort of work-related accident, and fell into a coma. She recently emerged, and now is continuing to work at Interpol, far away from Carmen.

Chief offered to fill in the blanks of Julia’s memories. Tell her of what happened, offer her a job at ACME once more. Carmen declined. Julia had been happy as an inspector, hadn’t she? She had been happy, she had been  _ safe. _

Player had argued with her. So had Ivy. And Zack. The only one who seemed to understand was Shadowsan. He nodded sadly, and warned her of the information that VILE might now have, given that they’d…

_ Tortured Julia. Combed through her mind for any bit of information regarding Carmen and drudged it up. And stole any affection from her mind. And hurt her. _

Carmen set her cup down a little too loudly. Ivy looked up from where she sat on the couch, concern in her gaze. “You alright there, Carm?”

“Peachy.” The reply was insincere. Carmen stirred sugar into her coffee, the clinking of metal against the cup grounding her. She withdrew the spoon, accidentally dropping it on the floor. It clattered to the ground, and Carmen stared at it for a few moments.

This is how it always went, wasn’t it? So many things, building up, so many things worth crying over. And then one small, minuscule problem - not even a problem. A minor inconvenience, easily avoidable, easily fixable.

Carmen’s eyes welled with tears.

“Carm?” Ivy asked, shutting her laptop. She leaned over the kitchen counter, peering down at the spoon on the floor. “Carm...en…?”

How do you mourn what is still within your reach?

_ She’s happy. She’s safe without me. She’s okay. _

How do you move on when it was so brief?

_ Her safety matters more than your feelings. _

“I miss her.” The words were choked, like they barely escaped Carmen’s mouth. “I… I should be focusing on taking down VILE, but I miss her so much, and we only…”

The beat of a butterflies wings.  _ One  _ hug. A delicate touch to Carmen’s face when she confessed her feelings.

And the next day, it was all wiped away. Forgotten. As if it never existed.

“Hey, it’s okay, Carm,” Ivy whispered, placing a hand on Carmen’s shoulder. “I mean, it’s not  _ okay,  _ but it’s okay to cry, and, uhm, and to feel the way you’re feeling.” She hesitated.

“I… I know, I just… shouldn’t be focusing on it.” Carmen swallowed and looked away. The feeling of guilt drowned everything else out. “I  _ can’t  _ be focusing on it, because what if it happens again? What if VILE tracks down Player, or you, or Zack, or…”

_ What if it’s all my fault? _

“That’s not going to happen, Carm,” Ivy promised, her voice weak. She pulled Carmen into a hug. Carmen wasn’t often physically affectionate. Not because she was uncomfortable with it, but because there was no one on the island who hugged her.

No one but Coach Brunt, and even that filled her with dread.

“We all knew the risks of joining you, but we’re not gonna leave. We can take care of ourselves.” Ivy’s words were meant to be reassuring. And they were… somewhat. “We love you. We’ll help you through this.”

_ Grief. _

Carmen was grieving something still in her reach.

“Are you sure you don’t want to… to talk to her?” Ivy’s words were hesitant, as if she knew how fresh of a wound this was. “I know you… love her. I’m sure that she could come to value you again.”

“Ivy, I appreciate you trying to help.” Carmen sighed, the  _ but  _ on the tip of her tongue. Ivy could sense it too, Carmen could feel it. “But I… can’t.” She looked away. “I can’t put her in danger again. I can’t… see her, in that hospital bed, knowing it was my fault.”

“But it wasn’t,” Ivy protested, stepping back. Her hands were on Carmen’s shoulders, a creased between her brows. “Carmen-”

_ Carmen. _

It was always serious when Ivy said her real name, wasn’t it?

“-I know you want to protect her, but maybe you’re doing more harm than good? I mean…” Ivy trailed off, backpedaling. “Would, would Jules want you to cut yourself out her life?”

“No,” Carmen admitted. Julia would scold her. Would  _ cry,  _ would bury her face in her hands, would ask Carmen over and over  _ why? Why would you remove yourself from my life? Why would you leave me alone?  _ She would grab the lapels of Carmen’s coat and look her in the eyes with tears in her own.

No.  _ No,  _ Julia would hold Carmen’s face in her hands, and kiss her tears away, and tell her it was okay. Would reassure her. Would  _ love  _ her. What Carmen wouldn’t give to feel that loved again, to love and be loved in return.

“No,” Carmen repeated, “But it’s safer this way.  _ She’s  _ safer this way.” She could feel Ivy’s pity, could sense it’s weight. But that wasn’t the point, that was the  _ exact opposite  _ of the point. The point was that it was  _ Carmen’s fault,  _ that  _ Julia  _ was the one who needed help.

“Carmen…”

If Julia was the one who was hurt, why was Carmen the one being comforted? It tore her up inside.

  
  


Julia’s new partner wasn’t as…  _ erratic  _ as Devineaux was.

Mr. Figuro was friendly. He greeted Julia every day with a  _ “Bonjour! How are you today, Ms. Argent?”  _ Every day, without fail. And every day, without fail, Julia would smile and wave with a greeting of her own.

Now, they were out investigating a tip they received about a historic artifact being stolen from one of the larger churches. Mr. Figuro drove, playing an unfamiliar jazz. The music was quiet, so either of them could start a conversation at any time. Julia was quiet, though.

She had been quieter, she supposed, since waking up. Julia didn’t know how she ended up in a coma, how she lost a chunk of her life. Didn’t know why she had the distinct feeling that something was  _ missing.  _ Her doctor assured her that it was fine, that it would take time for her to accept what had happened. 

Still, something was in her thoughts. Some _ one  _ was. Someone was missing from Julia’s life, but she didn’t know who. Perhaps this was her own loneliness trying to cope with missing out on a year of her life. Perhaps this was the grief of losing her mother shortly before joining Interpol, resurfacing.

_ God.  _ It had been two months since Julia had attended her funeral, since she had been gifted the necklace she always wore. Julia’s mother had lasted a bit past her graduation, and for that Julia often stayed up crying.

Loneliness was something Julia was used to. The quiet of being isolated, the loudness of thoughts. She fell into a habit of talking to herself as she worked, as she researched whatever had caught her interest. It was the quiet nights that followed her from her teen years into her early twenties, that haunted her even today.

Perhaps she was making someone up. Trying to fill some sort of hole inside her with someone who didn’t exist, just to feel loved. To feel seen.  _ God,  _ that was depressing, and Julia needed to stop watching sad TV shows.

“Ms. Argent, are you alright?” Mr. Figuro asked, raising his brows. “You seem a little quiet. Would you like to tell me facts about the Église Notre-Dame la Grande?”

Mr. Figuro was kind, but he was distant. A welcome change from Devineuax, who cared little for her facts, but still felt… off. Not unwelcoming, but it was very clear that they were coworkers. Not friends.

Did Julia have any friends, really?

“It has a lot of history,” Julia said after a moment, grateful. “But I’m sure what the thief is targeting is the statue of Virgin Mary, with the keys. There’s a legend surrounding it, how the keys went missing and were discovered there. Saint Hilary and Saint Radegunda were killed when discovering the statue, and they have statues there now as well.”

Mr. Figuro looked thoughtful. “Mayhaps we pray not to reach the same untimely demise, yes?” He pulled into the parking lot, and Julia got out. The night air was quiet, almost off-putting. Almost  _ serene. _

“I’ll do a perimeter check,” Mr. Figuro said upon getting out. “You check out the statues you informed me of. As always, stay safe.” He smiled at her, and Julia smiled back, watching him walk away.

The fog did nothing to help her nerves. Julia wandered through the mist until she got to the door, unlocking it and stepping inside. It was even darker, dimly lit by the moonlight. Her footsteps echoed.

Being an atheist, Julia always got a strange feeling being somewhere holy. A little unsettled, or perhaps disquieted at the lack of comfort she felt. Her flashlight didn’t do much to steel her nerves, and she could’ve sworn she heard some sort of humming.

“Hello?” she called, one hand wrapping around her phone in her pocket. Yes, technically  _ she  _ was law enforcement, but she didn’t carry a weapon. “Is anyone there?”

There was a beat or two of silence. A clatter, from high above her, and a grunt. Julia’s eyes darted to the ceiling, but she couldn’t quite see what was happening.

A figure fell for the floor with a grunt. Julia shone a light towards them. “Are you alright?” She gasped, despite the fact that this was probably the thief they had been warned about.

The figure, who was clad in an unnecessarily bright red, turned towards her. They were indistinguisable, until Julia shone her flashlight on them. She blinked several times, trying to come up something to say -  _ anything  _ to say, to the handsome probable-criminal who was staring at her. She was distracted, however, by the sound of something heavy being scraped along the floor. Both her and the stranger looked up to where a girl in an unnecessarily bright green (seriously, what  _ was  _ it with these criminals and bright colors?) was tying some sort of contraption around the statue with the keys.

“Carmen,” the girl cooed, her voice mocking. “Working together with your little jewel again?”

The other girl, who must’ve been Carmen, glowered. “Paper Star.” She glanced at Julia and crossed her arms. “Is this revenge for when we locked your little kitten into bug-filled coffin?”

Paper Star sent an equally angry glare back. “I don’t need to explain my reasoning to you,” she seethed, tugging on the rope of the device she had secured to the statue. “I’ll see you around!”

Unfortunately for her, she did  _ not  _ see them around, because she was hit in the back of the head and knocked unconscious by none other than Mr. Figuro. He grinned sheepishly at Julia. “Ms. Argent, are these… friends of yours?”

“Well… uhm…” Julia glanced at Carmen. “No?”

“I should take my leave,” Carmen muttered, looking almost sorry. She looked up at Julia, her eyes holding worlds of grief that Julia couldn’t even begin to understand. “See you around, Jules.”

“But I never did give you my name,” Julia said, confused. Jules sounded so familiar, so oddly perfect coming from this stranger’s mouth. “Carm...en…?”

Carmen backed away and disappeared into the night. Mr. Figuro stepped closer to Julia, his eyebrows raised. “I was not aware that you had a nickname, Ms. Argent.”

“I don’t.” Julia shone her flashlight where Carmen had just been, almost regretting letting the crimson ghost disappear into the night.

Perhaps a little bit of that emptiness deep within her called out to the stranger.

  
  
  


_ “Red? You know it’s… it’s five AM here, right?”  _ Player’s voice was tired. Carmen felt another pinprick of guilt, but she had to talk with Player. Had to tell him what had been running through her head.

“Sorry, Player, but…” Carmen trailed off, a thousand confessions on her tongue. When she spoke, her voice was breathless. “I talked with Jule… Julia.”

A beat of silence, and then a  _ “What!?”  _ that hurt her ears. Carmen winced.  _ “Sorry. I’m just… you were so dead-set on leaving her be,”  _ Player explained.  _ “I’m just… really taken aback.” _

“That was the plan.” Carmen sighed. Standing here, at the dead of night, at the top of a church. Sitting, waiting for the police to arrive. “But she… was investigating at a church where Paper Star was trying to steal a statue.” She glared up at the helicopter, presumably with the Cleaners inside, as it flew away. “And… oh god, Player,  _ I said her name. _ ” Carmen buried her face in her hands, quietly shaking. “I called her Jules, and she…”

Eyes that held warmth, but no recognition. Eyes that Carmen loved, but did not love her. A name, one that Carmen had used to flirt, one that Julia had admitted to overthinking and Carmen had laughed, one that fell on indifferent ears.

_ “You… Carmen, explain exactly what happened.” _

Carmen’s voice was a little shaky as she spoke, explaining the encounter. By the time she had finished, police had arrived on the scene, and Paper Star was being dragged away. Player sighed. Carmen couldn’t tell if it was a pity sigh, or a  _ you fucked up this time  _ sigh. Then again, in all her years of knowing him, Carmen had never heard Player curse, except for a very small  _ crap!  _ when he was late for school.

_ “Red, you know how I feel about this whole situation,”  _ Player said slowly, like he was trying to find the right words to say. Carmen hated that everyone did that now. Like they were walking on eggshells - no, like they were walking on a minefield. Like the slightest issue and Carmen would blow up.

She looked back on dropping the spoon earlier that day and wondered if maybe they were right.

“I know.” Carmen watched Julia walk out of the church. Seeing her, hearing her speak… it filled Carmen with want. With yearning. With a thousand other words that summarized her innate desire to hold Julia in her arms and sob, but none of them could express how insurmountable that feeling was. “I know,” she repeated, “But it’s safer for her this way.”

Player was quiet.  _ “Wouldn’t it be safer to keep her with you? You know I’ve always been skeptical of ACME, but she could be like Team Red. Really with us, instead of just an ally.”  _ He paused, letting that sink in.  _ “Don’t you think she has a right to remember her past?” _

“I-” Carmen started. She never finished, however, because Julia turned towards the roof and her eyes settled on Carmen. Carmen internally cursed, scrambling back out of view. “She saw me, Player, I-”

_ “She saw you earlier tonight as well, Red,”  _ Player pointed out.  _ “It’s safe to say she’s at least curious as to who you are.”  _ Carmen’s heart thudded wildly in her chest, which was  _ stupid, this is stupid she knows who you are you idiot.  _ Carmen leaned over the edge and sighed. Julia had disappeared from view.  _ “Red? You still there?” _

“I’ll let you get back to sleep, Player.” Carmen leaned back against the roof, staring at the stars. “Thanks for indulging me.” She hung up before he could protest, sighing and staring at the stars.

She missed Julia - no, this wasn’t a miss. Julia was missing from her life.

_ You don’t even know how much I love you. How much I need you. _

_ You don’t even know that you are missing from me. _

For how long she stared, lost in her thoughts, she couldn’t say. She began to nod off, her eyes fluttering closed.

“Carmen?”

Carmen shot up, nearly tumbling off the roof. She looked around wildly, because that sounded  _ just like Julia,  _ was she going crazy?

As it turns out, she was  _ not  _ going crazy, but what the fuck was Julia doing on the roof of a church, shivering a bit in the cold, looking at Carmen in earnest and more than a little confusion.

“So that  _ is  _ your name,” Julia said, a little proudly. She made her way towards Carmen and sat next to her, about an arms length distance between them. Carmen watched her in silence.

What do you say to someone you love more than the stars, more than your identity, more than the world?

To someone who barely knows your name?

“I’m Julia,” Julia said after a couple moments of silence. “But… I guess you knew that already.” Carmen’s mouth was dry. She knew that Julia would think it was weird, how she sat in silence, but she couldn’t say anything. Julia hesitated, which only added to the growing feeling of guilt in Carmen’s stomach. 

She looked fine. Julia had to be fine.

_ Was she? _

“Carmen, but I guess you knew that already,” Carmen said at last. A smile graced Julia’s face, and Carmen ached. Oh, how she  _ ached  _ for something as small as a smile. “What are you doing up here?”

“Well, I saw you,” Julia explained. “You helped my partner and I take down… Paper Star…” She frowned a little. “Who are you?”

Chief had made good on her promise to erase Carmen from any law enforcement record, Carmen knew. Still, Julia having  _ no clue  _ who Carmen was hurt. Hurt an unreasonable part of her still hoping she would remember.

“Carmen Sandiego.” Carmen’s words were weak.  _ She  _ was weak, her knees shaky, as she spoke to the one she loved. “Don’t worry, I’m on your side.” She looked back out at the city, feeling Julia’s eyes study her.

“Are you a vigilante of sorts?” Julia asked. Carmen glanced at her. Why did it hurt more to see Julia than it did to look away? Her eyes turned downcast as she nodded. “And you seem to have dealt with Paper Star before.”

Carmen shrugged. She had promised herself not to get Julia involved. She had  _ promised  _ she would keep Julia safe. That included keeping her away from VILE at all costs. That included not getting too close to her. Not like before.

But Julia shivered, and Carmen’s heart squeezed.

Carmen stood and draped her coat over Julia’s shoulder’s. “Try not go poke through the pockets, okay?” she chuckled, sitting down once more. Julia blinked, her eyes wide. “You are… cold, aren’t you?”

“I… yes. Thank you.” Julia slipped her arms through the coat sleeves, and buttoned it together in the front. She turned back towards Carmen, swallowing. “Carmen… if I may, what’s your…  _ motive _ ? You’re not law enforcement, I’ve never seen you before but you seem very confident in your work, and from the lumps alone I can tell you have an abundance of tools.” She tilted her head, waiting for a response.

“Answering your questions would take away my mysterious persona,” Carmen pointed out, raising a brow.  _ Damn it.  _ It was so easy to fall back into their routine, into the comfort of talking with Julia. The little words and phrases that could be taken as flirting. She wouldn’t. She  _ couldn’t. _

“I have no doubt that I could spend years trying to unravel every mystery about you, Carmen,” Julia replied. Carmen’s breath caught in her throat. At her words, and especially at the way Julia said her name. 

“Perhaps” was Carmen’s hesitant reply. She leaned back and stared up at the stars. A thought suddenly struck her. “Jules, where’s your partner?”

“Mr. Figuro?” Julia asked. “Oh, I sent him home.”

“Then how are  _ you  _ getting home?”

“I’ll get a taxi.” Carmen almost laughed at her words, but it appeared that Julia was serious. “What?”

“You’re not serious.” Carmen sighed and stood, offering Julia a hand. “Come on. I’ll take you.” 

_ This doesn’t count,  _ Carmen told herself.  _ I’m just making sure she gets home okay. This doesn’t count as anything. I’m still keeping my promise. _

Julia took her hand, and Carmen’s heart leapt. Carmen hesitated. She didn’t know exactly  _ what  _ the best way to get Julia’s apartment was. Julia, fortunately, thought her hesitation was lack of directions, and gave Carmen her address.

Carmen wrapped an arm around Julia’s waist, pulling her closer. “Don’t worry, I won’t bite.” Julia’s arms curled around Carmen, in  _ almost  _ a hug but not quite. Carmen wished she could say she wasn’t internally screaming, but she was. Her skin tingled at the contact, either from being touch-starved or from remembering Julia’s touch.

Carmen shot her grappling hook, and swung from the roof.

Julia didn’t scream. She  _ did  _ squeeze Carmen tighter and bury her face in Carmen’s chest, but she didn’t scream. That was almost worse, because it made Carmen falter. Still, she got them to the next roof, then the next, and finally she wrapped Julia in a full hug - a  _ real  _ hug - and paraglided directly onto her balcony.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Carmen asked, her voice  _ almost  _ teasing. Julia raised a brow, indignant. Carmen chuckled, her hand darting into the coat and bringing out her lockpicking tools. Within moments the balcony door was unlocked, and Carmen pulled it open.

“I have… a very similar coat to this one, in my closet,” Julia murmured as she pulled it off to give back to Carmen. Carmen’s eyes widened.  _ I never took back the one I let her borrow.  _ “A hat like that one, too.”

“How strange,” Carmen chuckled nervously. Julia looked lost in thought for several moments, then looked back up at Carmen with a smile. “I should be going, now that you’re home safe.” She turned to leave.

“Wait!” Julia’s hand caught her arm. “You…” She seemed to have lost her nerve, and chewed her lip. “Will I ever see you again?”

_ No. _

_ No, please, I can’t push you away. I could avoid you before, but when you’re in front of me, I can’t… _

_ I can’t lose you twice, both of them my fault. _

“Maybe,” Carmen whispered. She slipped her arm from Julia’s grasp and flew off into the night.

  
  
  


Julia’s dreams were haunted with visions of Carmen. Visions of another life, with strange people she had never met. Strangers who felt so familiar, who she talked to like they were friends. The dreams were vivid, as if she had lived them, but that was impossible.

She woke early, still exhausted, and decided she needed to get out of the house. Her days off she usually spent lounging around inside, but not today.

Not today.

Julia didn’t expect to see Carmen again, at least for a long time. And yet when she went to get her morning tea (not coffee,  _ tea,  _ in honour of her mother), there Carmen was. Ordering a coffee.

“Carmen?” Carmen turned her eyes up towards Julia. Her expression was always so  _ soft,  _ so full of emotions that Julia couldn’t comprehend. “I… didn’t expect to see you so soon,” she stammered.

Julia was so captivated with every movement, every look, every smile that Carmen gave. Every ache for this beautiful stranger.

“Neither did I,” Carmen agreed. She seemed almost flustered. She looked beautiful in casual wear, her hair tied back in a ponytail.  _ Quit admiring the woman who admitted to being a criminal last night,  _ she scolded herself. “Your day off?”

Julia nodded. “I don’t suppose you have a job, other than your… nightly activities?” Carmen’s smile was rueful as she shook her head. Julia couldn’t shake the feeling that Carmen was…  _ sad.  _ The grief she carried on her shoulders, grief that Julia recognized. Her hand closed around her necklace. “Do you live here, in Poitiers?”

Carmen shook her head again. “I travel a lot. Just staying her for the rest of the day, then catching my flight tonight.” Julia’s face fell, and Carmen hesitated. She opened her mouth to say something, then fell silent.

“When will you be back?” Julia asked. She didn’t want to say goodbye to this beautiful stranger. Not yet. Not when she could practically  _ see  _ the possibilities between them, the laughs they hadn’t had, the tears they hadn’t shared.

_ Way to be a U-Haul lesbian,  _ Julia sighed internally.

“Someday” was Carmen’s unhelpful reply. She confused Julia. She was almost…  _ flirtatious,  _ if Julia dared to use that word, but yet incredibly distant. Like she couldn’t make up her mind.

“Do you answer vaguely to add to your mysterious persona?” Julia asked, raising her brows. She was still waiting in line, while Carmen had already gotten her coffee. Still, Carmen stood next to her, as if hesitant to leave.

Julia got a smile out of that comment, filling her with glee. “Perhaps,” Carmen replied with a teasing grin. “Is it working?” Her voice dropped a little with the last sentence, making Julia’s heart skip a beat.

Why was she so affected by this beautiful stranger?

“It might be,” Julia hummed. She ordered her tea and gestured to an empty table nearby. “Indulge me for a bit longer? Maybe I can unravel one of your many mysteries.”

Carmen hesitated, but she sat, her fingers tapping on the table. Julia watched her for a few moments. There was something so oddly familiar, something that made Julia want to wrap her arms around Carmen and never let go. “How’d you end up with that career of yours, anyway?” Julia asked.

“It’s a long story,” Carmen said dismissively. When Julia continued staring, she sighed. “Let’s just say I have a… negative relationship with my old adoptive family.”

“You’re adopted?” Julia repeated louder than intended. She dropped her voice again. “What happened to turn your relationship with them so sour?”

Carmen smiled hesitantly. There was some sort of fresh wound, something Julia kept reopening. She could see that, but she didn’t know  _ how.  _ Did being around Julia really hurt her so much?

Julia felt helpless. She wanted to know more about this familiar stranger, wanted to help her, but didn’t know how. Didn’t know why the grief Julia recognized from losing her mother was mirrored on Carmen’s face.

“I’d rather not talk about them, if that’s okay,” Carmen said quietly. She took a sip of her coffee, looking lost. Julia ached for her.

“Is that why you seem so saddened all the time?” Julia asked before she could stop herself. Carmen looked up suddenly, her eyes meet Julia’s. Julia’s brows creased with concern, and her voice was soft when she spoke. “What happened to you?”

Carmen’s smile was  _ definitely  _ rueful this time. “That’s a bit of a bold question to ask someone on your first…”

_ Date. _

They both mentally filled in the word. Julia flushed. Before either of them could react, the barista called out “Large chai tea for Julia!” Julia pressed her lips together, her eyes still on Carmen. Carmen’s chest was rising and falling rapidly, and she wasn’t looking at Julia.

Julia grabbed her tea and sat back down, clearing her throat. “I can tell you a bit about myself, if you’d like to hear.”

Carmen nodded, and for a moment it looked like there were tears in her eyes. She wiped at them and they were gone. Julia smiled, a little bit sadly.

“Well, my full name is Julia Aster Argent. I’m twenty-five. I started working at Interpol, got a brief new job I can’t remember, had an accident and was in a coma for a year.” She chewed her lip. “I can’t remember the job or the accident, but luckily I was accepted back into Interpol, where I work with my new partner Galileo Figuro. Other than that, I don’t really have any… friends or family....” Her cousins, perhaps? She shook herself, trying to dispel the thought, and propped her head up on her hands. “You?”

Carmen smiled. “My full name is… Carmen Sandiego. I’ve twenty-twoish. I’ve worked as an alternate for law enforcement for about a year and a half, with my crew.” She tapped her fingers against her coffee cup, deep in thought. “I… guess I have a dad. And three close friends I work with.” She tilted her head, examining Julia. “I’m a bit surprised you don’t have… more friends. Sorry, that sounds a bit rude.”

Julia shrugged. It was hard to feel  _ seen,  _ a lot of the time. “It’s fine.” She could be lonely. She could feel like something was missing from her. She could lose sleeping thinking about why Carmen felt so familiar to her.

This was fine.

Carmen studied her for several more moments, then took her hand. The touch was sudden, and Carmen’s hands were calloused, but it was so  _ gentle.  _ She swallowed. “Jules… come with me?”

Julia blinked. “Uhm… sure?”

  
  


Carmen was breaking all of her rules. All it took was one moment, one  _ word  _ from Julia and Carmen fell all over again. She didn’t even know where she was taking Julia, she just knew she had to confess.

Carmen accepted that she made stupid decisions. She knew this was one of them.

“May I ask… where are you taking me?” Julia asked. Carmen glanced back at her, and realized she was still holding Julia’s hand. It was too late to drop it now, that would just be awkward.

“It’s a secret,” Carmen said. It wasn’t really a lie. It  _ was  _ a secret, even to Carmen. She pulled Julia through the streets, searching for a quiet place to talk. 

They ended up in a secluded corner of a tiny park. More of long stretch of grass with a few picnic tables and trees. Carmen stopped underneath one of the trees, looking up at the orange and yellow leaves. She could feel Julia’s eyes on her, waiting to see what she was dragged here for.

“So… what are we doing here?”

Carmen let out a breath. “I have something I need to tell you.” She couldn’t bare to look at Julia. “And I know it’s a lot to drop on you, right now, considering that… that you don’t know me, that well… but I…” She buried her face in her hands.  _ You’re making things worse for her. _

But Julia took Carmen’s hands in her own and brought them down. “Whatever it is, Carmen, it’s fine. You can tell me.”

Carmen opened her mouth to confess what she regretted most. To tell Julia that all of this -  _ all of this -  _ was her fault. To rip off the bandaid over her healing heart. But Julia looked so  _ earnest,  _ and Carmen’s eyes fell upon a butterfly a few feet away.

The breif moments in which it’s wings touched, and then it began to fall.

Carmen took a shaken breath, her thumbs stroking the top of Julia’s hand. “We’ve met before. Multiple times.” She blinked her tears again.  _ Stop it. Stop crying. Stop crying!  _ “But you… lost your memories, in the accident.” She didn’t move her gaze from her hands, but she heard Julia’s soft gasp. “And… I was your next of kin. So I…” 

Carmen took a step back, dropping her hands. Her eyes were fixed firmly on the grass, where the butterfly had landed. It’s wings were spread wide, displaying a beautiful design. 

“So I’m not crazy,” Julia breathed. “So… so those… those were memories, and there really  _ is  _ something missing?” She took Carmen’s hands once more, her own shaking. “So… what happened?”

“You… went to work at a secret government organization.” Carmen was a little surprised Julia hadn’t scolded her yet, hadn’t cried out, hadn’t asked  _ why? Why did you cut me out? Why did you leave me alone?  _ “We worked together a few times, and then… a criminal organization… mind wiped you.”

That was putting it lightly.

Julia was quiet. “So you… chose to let me return to my life?”

Carmen nodded. “To… to keep you safe,” she stammered. “I… I had to… to make sure that didn’t happen again.”

“Carmen, if I got involved with whatever was happening then, I sure as hell would now.” Julia paused, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I just… Carmen…” She said Carmen’s name like a prayer. Like a wish. Like a singular moment, like the beat of a butterfly’s wings. She pressed her hands to Carmen’s cheeks, tears gathering in her eyes. “Let me be by your side. Let me learn about my past. Let me try to protect you.” She kissed Carmen’s forehead. “It’s not selfish to want to be happy.”

Carmen’s eyes welled with tears, tears that fell like butterflies after their wings touch.

Tears that fell because Carmen loved and was loved in return.


End file.
